Friday, July 6, 2012
sad sucky sucky sad stupid dumb day
Three weeks ago I said yes for the first time to getting married, two days ago I am back with my parents with a sick empty feeling and a broken heart.....now I remember why I always say no. I think the last little bit of belief in true love and romance just died in Houston.killing the hopeful little girl inside of me. Happy flippin fourth of July....-_- an even colder ice queen has returned.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
The toughest thing i will never have to do.
The love of my life is deciding wether to walk away tonight. I dont know how to handle this, I haven't cared for someone in so long and now tonight I remember why I refused to let anyone else in. it hurts more than anything I can describe and the utter feeling of not being able to control this situation is driving me mad. I just want for once the man I love to love me enough to not make me cry. I don't want him to leave. :'( but I could feel it in his voice I know the sound of being given up on. Its too familiar. And I just dont know how I'm going to put my heart back together this time, I'm all out of glue.
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Monday, January 30, 2012
Phone blogging again....
yes, I know we have tried this before, but this time I'm determined to NOT forget my password out of sheer "spoiled by my phone" laziness...in theory that is.
Picture time :) every good blog needs a terrible photo!
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Tuesday, January 3, 2012
follow the yellow brick road and chase the rabbit down the hole
Hello blog, it is getting longer and longer between our visits. I haven't forgotten you though ((hug))
I always think of you on nights that can't sleep........like now.
Delima: Here I sit in Houston, i'm supposed to be happy, I thought I would be. I was so sure in fact I gave up on my dreams that were finally happening and my house that I loved. I'm working on it, its just that so soon after being here I feel very second place and very lied to and kept in the dark right now. i'm not used to feeling this way, I had been so careful up till now on who I chose, And I find myself confused and trying not to bolt out the door. So far though i'm still here. Which means I love him, but how long can these games last? I love that noone reads this because it feels really good to say it. I just feel like slowly little pieces of me are dying and dropping off.....I haven't been to church in months! That's not me, I love church. I'm lost right now and I don't know how to reel me back in. I don't know this person I am right now. what makes it all so horrible is I think I may have done this for something I imagined to be stronger than it really is....but once again love locks me in place and I am frozen here scared to move or it all might shatter.
Probably too dramatic you are thinking, well I agree.that is why I only type it here. Sometimes I wish I were made out of stone, the hard cold kind that can make it through anything.
~glory
I always think of you on nights that can't sleep........like now.
Delima: Here I sit in Houston, i'm supposed to be happy, I thought I would be. I was so sure in fact I gave up on my dreams that were finally happening and my house that I loved. I'm working on it, its just that so soon after being here I feel very second place and very lied to and kept in the dark right now. i'm not used to feeling this way, I had been so careful up till now on who I chose, And I find myself confused and trying not to bolt out the door. So far though i'm still here. Which means I love him, but how long can these games last? I love that noone reads this because it feels really good to say it. I just feel like slowly little pieces of me are dying and dropping off.....I haven't been to church in months! That's not me, I love church. I'm lost right now and I don't know how to reel me back in. I don't know this person I am right now. what makes it all so horrible is I think I may have done this for something I imagined to be stronger than it really is....but once again love locks me in place and I am frozen here scared to move or it all might shatter.
Probably too dramatic you are thinking, well I agree.that is why I only type it here. Sometimes I wish I were made out of stone, the hard cold kind that can make it through anything.
~glory
Friday, February 18, 2011
slightly lower than a sunset but higher than a raincloud
i think I'm sad....shouldn't a person know for sure something like that? Why don't i know for sure?
if i had just a few thousand dollars i would run away somewhere far far across the world and i would maybe relearn how to be me...the me i lost so many years ago.
i think i might be a bit dead inside sometimes....memories can be beautiful or they can be deadly....mine try to kill me in my sleep. i think this life is going to eat me alive and I'm not doing anything to stop it.
~glory
if i had just a few thousand dollars i would run away somewhere far far across the world and i would maybe relearn how to be me...the me i lost so many years ago.
i think i might be a bit dead inside sometimes....memories can be beautiful or they can be deadly....mine try to kill me in my sleep. i think this life is going to eat me alive and I'm not doing anything to stop it.
~glory
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
When Eeyore breys piglet pretends to listen
Pencil or pen? its a good question...also it says a lot about the person who chooses....i think anyway. For instance, a pen COULD mean that they are more sure of themselves, less worried about mistakes...maybe even too bold; yet a Pencil could say they are meticulous possibly obsessed with little details, standoffish etc. I always love giving someone the choice when the moment presents itself just so i can can see what they pick. Its like an updated version of the greatest lazy sport ever = people watching.
I hate planes today. I hate how they keep taking people I love away, and I hate how they keep leaving somewhere without me. I don't know why but lately I am so antsy I can hardly hold still. I have to though, for at least one more year....sounds a bit similar to forever though to me....i guess i am petrified that given enough time here i might just settle down and stay, never leaving, and so never living. At least I have taken the first steps though right?
Normally this is the part where I would call someone for a pep talk and tell a couple badly timed half hearted cheesy out of place jokes but my phone is dead again and all the way across the parking lot buried in the pocket of a semi fuzzy vampira like jacket....and that is just too much work for me...so hi (now is the time you may picture a tiny little socially awkward raincloud hovering ever so slightly above this page waiting for my permission to drip a few drops on your head....don't worry i wont let it. that computer of yours looks expensive).
Don't get me wrong. I am most certainly not depressed. This is just my occasional Eeyore put out to pasture. Feed him hay and he will go away. ;)
I wish I had the brains to come up with a new game. Not just any game, something brilliant like clue...or candyland....simple yet freakin amazing!! yeah.....but so far i have "player one rolls the die" <------ta dah! i know you're jealous right!
and on that note (C#)....i have to go cram my tiny little brain full of test answers for tomorrow morning that i will only have to recycle out later through my ears, if necessary, to make room for my brand new book i just bought. One that I plan on reading after school *fingers crossed*.
i think that's about it...the nothing i had to say has been said and the something i wanted to mumble has been silenced for tonight. Sweet dreams everyone.
~glory
I hate planes today. I hate how they keep taking people I love away, and I hate how they keep leaving somewhere without me. I don't know why but lately I am so antsy I can hardly hold still. I have to though, for at least one more year....sounds a bit similar to forever though to me....i guess i am petrified that given enough time here i might just settle down and stay, never leaving, and so never living. At least I have taken the first steps though right?
Normally this is the part where I would call someone for a pep talk and tell a couple badly timed half hearted cheesy out of place jokes but my phone is dead again and all the way across the parking lot buried in the pocket of a semi fuzzy vampira like jacket....and that is just too much work for me...so hi (now is the time you may picture a tiny little socially awkward raincloud hovering ever so slightly above this page waiting for my permission to drip a few drops on your head....don't worry i wont let it. that computer of yours looks expensive).
Don't get me wrong. I am most certainly not depressed. This is just my occasional Eeyore put out to pasture. Feed him hay and he will go away. ;)
I wish I had the brains to come up with a new game. Not just any game, something brilliant like clue...or candyland....simple yet freakin amazing!! yeah.....but so far i have "player one rolls the die" <------ta dah! i know you're jealous right!
and on that note (C#)....i have to go cram my tiny little brain full of test answers for tomorrow morning that i will only have to recycle out later through my ears, if necessary, to make room for my brand new book i just bought. One that I plan on reading after school *fingers crossed*.
i think that's about it...the nothing i had to say has been said and the something i wanted to mumble has been silenced for tonight. Sweet dreams everyone.
~glory
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